Welcome to the Love Sex and Leadership podcast where you can discover simple tantric teachings to embody your true power, awaken your soul's wisdom and live an inspired life as a natural intuitive and heart centered leader. Welcome, welcome to another episode of Sex, Love and Leadership and very grateful to have a dear friend many years here in the Bali World, Aaron Baer. And uh yeah, he was uh one of those features years ago in the integrated masculine symposium. He's an entrepreneur. He's just a stellar heart centered man who really makes a difference in the world and very grateful to have you on the show today. It's an absolute pleasure as it usually is and to be around you and to be here and all the things I really appreciate that. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. You know, one of the things I first want to say when I feel you as a being, I feel this man that always has this circular energy of people around him. And you were, when I first met you here in Bali, like you were consciously giving back to the community, you were always doing things that were going to what I felt leave a legacy of love behind you. And I just want to appreciate that in you. It's really a quality. I don't see a lot of men, especially men with tattoos. All there's a beautiful gift you've given your presence, brother. Thank you. I really appreciate that. And honestly, it was kind of by design because as you know, in my past, but maybe there's still like I grew up in a rough area, was an organized crime and I was a drug dealer for about six years, seven, maybe eight actually. And when I went down my spiritual path and spiritual journey, like I didn't feel like a good person and, and I was just like, man, I didn't know who I was, I was shifting to try to be someone spiritual, but I was like, how do I even do that? Like, what does that even mean? And all I could think of was well, if you just do good things and be really nice to people, like good shit will happen around you. And that was just like, ok, because that makes sense that, that, that made sense in my head, I could intellectualize that. So I just consistently wanted to do good things and do good things for people as part of just like my social experiment. And my life turned out really cool because of it. So all these amazing things just started happening around me and you know, all the businesses launches and all of that, you know, having a big social network. It was because I just consistently was like, ok, what can I do? That's going to be helpful. And then also it's going to be impactful anywhere that I go like any place I just moved, I was in Canada for the last year before um after my motorcycle accident and I just started doing it there and start doing the exact same process. OK? I'm here in this community. Who do I want to connect with? That's doing some cool shit. Uh How do I serve them? OK. How do I serve the community? How do I bring people around me? And I just do the same process like anywhere I go and it really works. So I got a little formula just for that just to build a cool life. It's like be helpful. So really what I hear in that is, is a conscious question every day of how can I be of service, support others and it's selfish for sure because it's like, how can I do cool things that like with people? I want to be around? And that was important because I just wanted to be around better people. Like I wanted to have a cool friends network. I wanted to have like community around me. I'm a very social person. Um And so I did that by design because I figured if you know, if you know this in men's work. It's kind of like, who are we, where are we going? Who's coming with me out of those old questions? Right. And I was like, well, I want to be going somewhere cool and I want cool people to come with me. I want people that are, I love being around. So when I had the the mission first to pick a mission to do, like say for funding the kids school, uh We've been funding a school for mentally disabled Balinese kids for eight years now. Um with the Conscious Arts tattoo shop and Karma House, um my two tattoo shops here in Bali and uh as soon as I like picked a thing to do, then I could find out who's coming with me, like who am I bringing with me? And that would be much easier than to like create, create community, but like being the fire starter first and I'm sure you feel this so many times with like different events or different leadership things or just anything you're doing, it's like we pick something to do, like pick a thing and then see who comes or pick who you want to come with you. And yeah, I'm, I'm curious in that for you with a lot of the different leadership incentives and, and businesses and things that you're working on where is like your edge right now in terms of leadership, like where's that piece that you're leaning into? Yeah, it's a funny one in the sense. I mean, it's being uh handling my ego, you know, and, and also handling like being in strong integrity, you know, where that wasn't always the easy thing, especially in a very sexy place like UD with extremely beautiful women around me nonstop. It's a 4 to 1 girl to guy ratio out here. And uh I wasn't always in, as we've trained together, you know, it was a bit of an issue. I was like, how do I harness my male sexual energy and how do I be um more quality over quantity? And how do I be someone that's, you know, really harnessing that. And uh I wanted to be someone in strong integrity and especially with like, say with karma house, we have like a girls, not all girls, but we have a dance school with the most like beautiful women consistently all around me all the time. And the edge there was like kind of be a leader and, and really be someone that's loving instead of lustful. And that's been the practice the last like month and two months since we started this dance school. And I knew like this was going to be really important and there's, you know, a couple of females that were in the, in the dance school that are around that. I'm like, naturally super attracted to like just a natural, like, that's my type, you know, everything about them. And I was like, oh, this is, this is dangerous because I need to be a boss. But there's this natural primal, like, she's funny. She's sweet. She's beautiful, expressive and it's like, oh, wow. And it kind of reminds me of an ex girlfriend of mine a while back that we both know. So there's also trauma but I had to like, ok, this is a situation that you get to choose how to act and I'm going to choose to be a great boss and like a big brother type of energy instead of this boss that before might be these like underlying currents of like tentacles reaching, you know, exactly what I was saying, like like a door open where it's like, yeah, we can be, I'm a flirt and I would always do that the flirting where it's like, yeah, we're friends. But also, hey, you know, if you know that kind of thing and I was like, that's not happening this time like this time and I chose how to act. It's like this time, your edge is being in really firm integrity in that space and then also in firm integrity with your ego and being like open to many ideas and being open to things, being done and not be um just being a better leader. And that's where like the edge was a little bit there. It was, it was interesting. It wasn't that hard to be honest, but it was just what was live and present for me when, when you asked me that it was like, OK, well, how can I evolve my connection with being in power, being a male and being around consistent, beautiful females. And that was something that it was just like I did pretty good. I'm proud of myself. Well done. Well. I love this theme because I feel like this is an area in the work world where sexuality and leadership often have like gray lines, you know, and for me, I'm a male teacher, teacher in the world, the greatest, you know, I, I show up in the world and immediately there's often 1000 and one projections even before I said hello, you know, so I've come to recognize that also from the place of realizing that that requires a certain level of integrity and clarity and to hold like your sexual body. But to not allow that to get in the way of the, the goal and the business and the drive of where the creation that's happened. There sometimes does get in the way and this is often where you see gurus drawn bad and things that, you know, you get into power. And then if our erotic body isn't integrated with the power dynamics at play, then that is what? Oh, just another person, you know, utilizing power to get their unmet sexual needs met. Exactly. And I feel like sometimes he like, I mean, I'm just guessing how some of those things happen but maybe they didn't start off that way. Maybe they didn't start off with like, I'm going to use my power to bang as many chicks as possible. Like, I don't know if OSHA started like that or, I don't know if OSHA did it was part of the thing, but I feel like if you don't have like a clear idea of what you want out of the situation first and like, firmly holding that, like I can get messy and you can get swayed. And I just thought what I want out of the situation is respect. Like I want to make sure that I have respect and it's, it's difficult. I mean, especially in like this me too movement, especially in this. Like, it's never been more that, hey, there's an eye on, we need to act properly and it's a good thing. Um And that's great, but also it can kind of get guys a little gun shy about it where I'm like, I don't know if I can pat you on the back. Like I was like, you know, I'm like trying to be very um extra. Uh I shouldn't be alone out to dinner with a female coworker. Like it's, we're even more cognizant of this. Um I'm not like that like I'm, I'm not, we're, but we're in a pretty like liberal place so it's like we can hug, it's OK. It's not sexual. Um But it's a funny thing being a man and in power. And uh it's, it's, it's, there's a line there that we got to walk and somebody wanted to work with us like about a month ago and I didn't hire him because of one interaction. Um There was a back story a little bit but, but he went and talked to a couple of the females and just how he kind of lingered around it. He didn't even say anything that was extra. It was just the, the energy though. That's I'd love to talk about. This is like sure your, your mouth could be saying one thing but energetically, your actions, your body language, everything is like you got these leaky undercurrents like this, the tentacles are coming underneath. And so it's like leaky sexual energy, you can feel that shit, you know. Yeah. And, and this is really where I feel like a lot of mishap happens in the business world is the the feminine and all of us really feels that and this is usually the things that are being unsaid, this leaky sexual energy that even though they might be saying the words in their mouth. But underneath, there's just like a bit of a something doesn't feel right. And what this always comes back to for me is like the integration inside. Does that being like in this case, this potential new worker have a capacity to know himself as whole? Or are we always looking for that person to get our sexual needs met. Exactly. That's exactly what it was when I saw the guy, I'm like, oh, he just has some un un integrated, like masculine energy. They're like his pain, there's a pain body there and he's reaching for something in the feminine and he was reaching in this kind of lingering like a so it's a type of little extra energy instead of just being firm. And I stated out because I was talking to the girls after they didn't feel comfortable. Ok? Like, no, we can't hire somebody that doesn't make you feel comfortable. That's a firm boundary now can't happen. Um And I thought about it and I was like, yeah, because you got to come at it with love instead of lust. And so it's kind of like walking in and being like a wi fi router of love instead of like this undercurrent of like lust. Like I'm, I'm trying to fuck. He's like, no, no, no. Actually I'm showing up and I'm just love to everyone. So that's just like how I try to. And I think like meta meditation, you know, in the past Buddhist practices is like, yeah, that's, that's the vibe and that's where the wifi router analogy came in for me a long time ago because you just think about people you love and then bring in that love into the room. And when you practice that, um you're just shooting out love instead of wanting to take sexual energy and it was kind of like a different, you know, like it's a different energy completely and you're focusing on sending out love instead of taking, and it's that taking energy that's repulsive. Um It's that taking energy that people can feel, you know, it's taking it. But if you're just showing up and you're like, I'm just kind and happy to be here. Like it's a different, it's a different energy completely. So what I hear in that is that, that neediness that's underneath the belly that needing this to try to get something that someone doesn't have inside of them. And you know, I think in any situation, a woman can feel that if that needy little boy inside, it's like love me, love me please. I used to be that guy. Not that long ago. I like guys don't think I'm like this totally healed. I just authentically could talk about it because I've been there without a doubt when I first came to u but I was that spiritual puppy dog and I did, I did want the beautiful spiritual tantric girlfriend like I wanted all that, but I like I needed it, you know, it was like, OK, wait a minute. Um Now that I feel a lot more whole and confident in who I am and, and what I want and then also how I want to be perceived like what, what I want to bring to the table. Um and, and I want to bring to the table that, you know, somebody that can be respected and trusted and, and, and cared for and loved. But also I don't need, you know, this, like, I don't need that. Um, maybe it comes with age and time and time on the clock because I was, you know, it's like younger and dumber. But, um, I think there's also practices that, you know, you definitely have for this and, uh, you know, we could give insight to that helps you just be a bit more sure of how you want to walk into the room and that way you're not leaking these sexual energy. And, you know, I'm curious for you, what was the, the shifting point? What was the point of like from being that needy spiritual puppy dog, like looking after the feeling because I feel you now and, you know, even from a couple of years back when we were doing some work together, like I could feel there's a lot you've been, you've been moving through like, what was the shift that changed from that way to how you feel yourself? Now, I think like if you go through all of these experiences from start to end, you kind of like they like the Buddha would say, if you go through any experience from start to end, it becomes empty and in the sense that you've, you've run it the full circle of it. And so I feel like I did the Ubud spiritual puppy dog guy fully. I ran the full circle that I saw what that leads to. I saw what women it attracts. I saw how that, how that works out with those type of women. And I'm like, good. I'm great. I did that. I played that movie, you know, and, and I get it and it's not what I want now and maybe what I want now is a different experience. Um But also um the time on the clock, I think you have to experience it. So I think, you know, if guys are in that leaky sexual energy zone, there is help for you, like you like I was there, I get it. I was there. I understand, you know, and um there is hope for these guys. So like women don't just condemn a guy for if he's at that stage, he needs to be in that stage and needs to have that negative feedback for him to get better and to, and to evolve out of it. So there's, there is, there is hope for fuck boys, it's all for us. And you know, II I love this conversation. The other thing that, that I want to speak into because you mentioned it briefly before. It's like for a man to be in his power, in his strength, into a certainty in one side, there's a whole, you know, uh humanity of women that want a man in that way. But at the same time, there's the edginess of being there and also really want you to, to feel the softness and the tenderness. So where like where do these two lines? Because when I see you, if I, if I didn't know you, if I see you, I just see this like tattooed, you know, bad ass ex, you know, you'd have your hat on your wallet, what's going on here. But then obviously knowing you, I just feel your soft mushy heart that's like so caring and loving and you know, how do you navigate in these places as well as how do you see that with, with men around you who, you know, sometimes we get uh two different um voices that are coming towards us in this way. Totally. I think it's really important that we nurture and uh and like nurture our inner lover and poet and the sweet parts of ourselves because that's what everybody seems to love about me the most that I, that I am a sweet. Um the little boy in me has been nurtured, you know, like I brought him back out to be like I'm a big mush, but I'm also a black belt kickboxer and people can feel safe around me in the sense that I've, I've also made real good friends of my inner warrior. And I think men need to do that that, that we need to be friends with our warrior and handle our danger like harness our danger and nurture our danger in the sense that like we're, we're physical, we, we're, we're vital. You know, we're, we're learn how to fight, like learn how to tie knots on ships and shit. That's a him thing. Do some manly shit. Like you should be good at manly shit. It's important. But also, you know, be OK saying you love other men being OK, hugging other men being ok, loving women and expressing that love like be OK with this because we need both. Think about like samurai, you know, they would be calligraphers and they'll chop your head off. They're like renaissance men, you know, like sculptors. But also I guess crusades, I don't know that much about renaissance. The time's off. I don't know history but you know what I'm saying, you know, it's a balance of being able to be both tender and soft and being receptive as well as knowing how to penetrate and be firm and, and be the strong one. Be multifaceted. That's sexy. I think women love that when they see that, you know, a guy can be sensitive, caring, intelligent, you know, um consider it. But also he's a bad ass. Like I think that's the holistic well rounded, whole human much like, you know, we love a woman deep in her feminine like I, I love, I, I I'm much more i to women who are in their feminine. I can be in my masculine, but I also want her to have some masculine qualities in the sense of, you know, not, not like a mustache. I'm talking about like, you know, like women with mustaches. It's not my, I was like, organize or ambitious or, you know, like some of the more masculine traits as they would say, you know, um, it's important to have that balance and I wonder where this calls into play with having, um, leaky sexual energy as men. Do you think it's because there's a need, you, you mentioned that and I really found that interesting, like you mentioned, they're searching for something. So if you have and women have leak leaky sexual energy too, like you see it all the time and in the spiritual community or just general spiritual community as well, there is that like, like leaky goddess using her sexual um sexuality as a way to get attention, like that's the thing too. And do you think that's the inverse of like the guy that's like, hey, what's up baby and the girl that's just kind of like, oh, like, you know, really wanting to be seen but needing to be seen. Like, are those the two? I I think they definitely compliment each other often. That part I see in female bodies looking for attention is, is typically not always often a daddy wound, you know, for me being not being loved and feeling abandoned and then seeking validation through the masculine on the outside. Um And it always returns back to from my side. Like is that human knowing both sides inside of themselves and, and in the sexuality, especially when a woman is often looking for validation and looking for sex and all these different pieces underneath that is usually a deep insecurity so deep, like can we be alone with ourselves without needing something on the outside? Um And, and this also I want to draw into around love because love is, you know, when we tie it with sexuality and leadership, it's like love is the, to me, this place where so much can birth from. But if love isn't an inside game, if love isn't there, then there can be perpetual relationship patterns that are repeating themselves. And I'd love to hear from your own personal journey. So I think a lot of people can resonate with it. So I definitely go there of having the same type of relationship patterns and I'm really fucking good at three month relationships. I'm so good at those. I nail them and I'm really good at breaking up and being on good terms after and we're sweet and we're friends in the community. It's all good and it's like it starts off and it's a super deep, beautiful, intense love bombing three months where I'm taking them on vacations and we're doing all sorts. It's a cool shit and like, it's beautiful sex and exotic, you know, places, I'm good at that and nail it really good at that part of what you taught me in, you know, in the male, one of my mentorship, I'm really good, just joking. Um But the thing that I'm good at that, um But then when it would get past the honeymoon stage and we get past and the person you see them more as a human and you'd see them more as, you know, the, the they come down from the pedestal in your mind. And you know, you get past that, that just that next stage of like you have a few arguments and I would get into my, of my avoidant patterns and I'm too busy for this shit because I'm super busy, you know, and, and if it's not super loving bubbly um love bombing honeymoon, you know, intensity, I'm like, uh you know, so I was like, ok, wait, what's going on here? And so this is what I've been working on recently for a while. That pattern of consistent needing extreme extreme sexual sensation or, or, or love sensation like it has to be over the top infatuation or, you know, that cannot be more in like a wholesome loving love term, a switch. And this is another reason why I changed actually what I, what I want and what I'm looking for enough times you do the same thing you're like, ok, man, let's try something different over it's try something else. I did. I did that, I did that experience you know, that now is, and that's another reason why I think the like but dancing goddess type um doesn't quite do it for me anymore. They're incredible. They're beautiful, but I see them as like gorgeous but, you know, not, not my jam and that's been helpful in these situations because they're just not exactly what I'm looking for anymore. And I think my taste changed where having these intense extreme experiences that are like so intense and over the top, um I'm not as excited about them anymore because I've seen the layer of substance underneath. It has shifted a little bit. So even my love languages are more like acts of service now than it would be, you know, some, some, some of the other ones like words of affirmation because you can say lots and we can have these big experiences. But really, are you showing up when we need you? Are you, are you there? Are you down the ride? Will you be wifey? And so I think that's shifted a bit for me. Um But sorry, I know what I want to. I love it. And I'm curious, you know, you mentioned wifey, like what in, in your perspective, these three month relationships which I think a lot of men can find themselves in at times when they really easy and bali transient community, beautiful people in the spiritual community coming in and out. It's like the perfect place to have these like little serving sizes, you know, relationships, intense body, love affairs for sure. And, and where do you feel like for you whether you've found that answer or not? Like, where do you feel like is for you to make the transition moving ahead into something deeper, more, more powerful? Where, where is the shift to be? I think it's, it's within myself to note to choose like, like kind of like higher, slower fire, faster. I know it's a weird analogy for this, but I think I was just getting really caught up on the idea of a woman beforehand and she'd look really good as my trophy wife, you know, on a primal, you know, like this primal. Yeah. Yeah. The pedestal, whereas maybe trophy wife isn't the right term is more like we'd look good together and on Instagram is even worse, digging myself a further hole here. Fuck off all of you think it, so it's like, you know, like will it look good? Um And now I'm more so will we be good together in 1020 30 years? Like, will I be able to be ok with this person? And, and we, we can become best friends and we have that deep relationship. Um We're opening up a chai bar at Karma house, right? And we partnered with an Indian restaurant called Curries and Mo and Deepak and Anisha are the owners. They're a couple and they're so cute how they move. And maybe I'm a little traditional. I'm Indian but seeing how they, how they, like, are devoted to each other and how that moves is really sweet. I mean, I'm seeing that actually, I'm like, really enjoying that. Like, I'm like, wow, just, just how they, they're really good at being married to each other. Like, they work together, they're with each other all day but they're just smooth and, um, there's a lot of devotion and care there and I was like, that's kind of nice. So I'm seeing like, I'm enjoying that a little bit more than seeing these, you know, Instagram couples that are like, you know, all, you know, out there, you know, and I did that and I'm like, how much of this first show stuff is depleting the quality. And that's kind of where I'm at now is like, OK, maybe it doesn't need to be this big flashy thing on Instagram. Maybe it needs to be functional and the depth is in the function and the depth is in the, the consistent caring and the consistency. Even my parents. I was like, I'm like, I would never want the relationship because where's the romance? You know, they're pretty much an arranged marriage and, and they're like housemates, but they're still together. I don't know if they should be or not. But, you know, it's like, where's the functionality? And that's like, maybe not as exciting as this humongous big, you know, uh situation there. Like it's a big sensory overload. But is that, does that have longevity? What do you think about that? Well, yeah, I, I feel like the longevity definitely needs to start from the deep friendship. You know, I'm, I'm experiencing that right now in my current beloved. And, you know, there's really a solid, beautiful friendship that's there, there's great intimacy we're currently living together, which is kind of been the next stage in our, our deepening. Um But I'm asking similar questions like, you know, is this something that's going to continue to expand and grow? I mean, we're also doing some teaching together, which adds another different dynamic inside of that which I I really enjoy and the functionality of can we live and cohabitate together with just ease and grace, like do our nervous systems complement each other in a way that we're both continuing to flourish or is the relationship taking things away and, and this is really what I tune into because it's like I know in my lifestyle with movement and travel, like that's definitely not for everyone and a lot of female bodies that doesn't work so well with, with her. She's also similar. So we're working and, and moving in this similar field uh like that concept and that conversation around longevity to me starts with, can we just exist together beyond any romance beyond anything else as purely like two people who enjoy each other? Like, do we enjoy each other's company when it it's erotic. Yes, it's great. And the other piece that comes in is what happens when our shit comes up. Like, but the first time we had a small little argument, I was really, like, I was in my own stuff. Like, totally part of it was totally my responsibility. But I loved how she took responsibility. It showed me this place of, ah, I can deepen with this woman because it wasn't all just blame and shame and projection on me. And I've been with so many women in the past that had been the story. Like they understood these concepts of the moment, like the things came up, it was just blowing all over them. The, the, the, the rain was pouring all over me and it was just like a big chit storm in that way. So you brought this up? I wanted to talk about this with you today. Yeah. And, and this was like, ah, I felt I felt to take responsibility and then what I love more than anything is we came back into deeper love. We came back into deeper connection with each other in a way in which we could appreciate the differences. So, actually, the challenge that emerged brought us closer into love together. And I really celebrated this. This is great. You know, this has been coming up a lot in my world with friends of mine. Uh, I have a couple that are like my friends, I'm friends with. Both of them, they actually met through me and they started dating and they both on paper look incredible together, like they're gorgeous. Both of them they have amazing, good looking kids. I think they're both talented, you know, amazing. But they have these huge fights and I've helped them get back together twice and it's been like three weeks that because they moved super, super fast and it's because it's like this bally lusty relationship, you know, and they both are good looking coach type people that like have big brands and they look great together this fucking Instagram. You know, they look great on, on, on camera and on paper. And I told them, I'm like, well, you guys had a few small fights but they were huge, like, like they, and they seemed over small things and the analogy that I said was you guys are driving like 100 miles an hour in a school zone and there's a speed bump. So you're driving super fast and you have a coffee in your hands if you drive and you're moving that fast in your relationship and you go over the speed bump that quick, you spill coffee all over yourself. I was pretty pleased with it myself. I'll sit there on my scooter typing it out. I'm like, that's good. Where is that coming from? Like if you went slower and you, and you like, just like t and you took your time with it that speed bump would come up and you'd be like I got this and you'd be ok to get through a little bit maybe, but you're not going to have it all over your face. Um, and that's how I feel like it is with these big lusty relationships. It's like, can we slow down a little bit when we have these fights? Uh, can we slow down a little bit also? Maybe with how fast that like social media can push things or teaching together and having a brand together like that can really magnify the speed and the intensity of it. So when these fights come up, they're all huge. I don't know, it's just a theory that I was seeing in that possibly. Um And then the other situation, where was it that, that, you know, these, these relationships, this is a tricky one. How far is the feminine allowed to express herself before it's abusive when we're saying like I need to express my anger and, and I need to be able to have a space place to express my anger also, please don't swear at me. Like can we have some rules here? Like I don't want to be yelled at, I won't yell at you. Can you not yell at me? So there's like this interesting thing where it was happening with a friend of mine and this past relationship that I, that I was out of a few months ago and I had a partner and, um, she had definitely not taken a non violent communication class. Let's call it like that. I know. And she grew up, she came from Vancouver, you know, kind of similar friends circles as my past ones and it was just like, not, not a, a chill way to fight. And I think that's super important is like, cool. We can have great sex. How about, how good are we at fighting too? So I don't want to be screamed at. I don't, I will never swear at you. I'll never scream at you. I might have strong words in the sense of like holding accountable or arguing, but I don't yell. And is that OK to express the same thing or are then are you hindering the feminine expression? What do you think about that? Well, the, the piece that comes up for me with, with both of that like the feminine definitely wants to express I, my biggest learning was always pushing aside the crazy bitch inside of me onto the woman on the outside. When I got to know that one inside. I was like, oh this makes a lot more sense. But now knowing that crazy bitch and me like when issues come up, I generally, and I say this quite like not confrontation but quite clear. I say in this situation, I'm gonna basically give two options, one option, you can yell and stream and do whatever you want to. I'm just gonna shift into full like Shiva mode that just you can say what you need to say. But I'm not gonna take it personally because I've created the context for it. That's one way of doing it. But what I'm not doing is us trying to have a logical comprehensible conversation when there's a bunch of emotions underneath that never works. This is good. It never works. That's kind of one side. The other side is I said, ok, I'm gonna go take what's been moving for me. I'm gonna go to my bed, I'm gonna move some ocean. I'm gonna probably hit some pillows. I'm gonna move my emotional body, come back into loving residents inside myself so I can do that with you. And I want, if you wanna do that, you can do the same. Those are the two options. I'm not open to being your punching bag. I'm open if you want to, but just gonna be a very clear contact for probably five or 10 minutes. You're just gonna, we'll put on the timer and you can say whatever you need to say. I'm not gonna take it personally and I know it's just what's arising. And I'm gonna tell you, I'm not, I'm gonna give you that space. And what I found is that allows sometimes a part of the feminine that doesn't, just wants to fully release and let go and it's like, ok, great. I can't do that all the time, but every once in a while, I'm OK to do that. I do that in workshops. Sometimes I do that, you know, in my work, I'm happy to go into that place. But I want there to be a clear contextual framework because that's what makes things better moving forward 100%. Because on one end it's like, well, we should be a mountain, like we should be able to hold, hold space for the feminines, um big uh experience and, and emotional. But also like the another reason why my recent relationship didn't work was I had an intensely stressful workload and, and we were doing long distance and so she went back to Vancouver and I was here and I had, I was selling one of the businesses and um the business sale flopped one month before the lease was due for four years rent. So I had to pay four years rent up front. So instead of making a quarter million dollars or something, it was like cool. Here's pay 50 Gs, you're like, fuck. That's the opposite of cool. That's the opposite of what I was hoping for. So it was like, that's not fun. And then also the other business, Karma house, I had a management team running it and they pulled out. So it's like here manage this business. Plus the other one plus like I like extremely heavy workload piled on my plate. And I was like, oh, this is, this is a lot of work for me. Um I have a very low mental bandwidth right now. I can't, I don't have time to fight like I don't have the space for it. Um And I asked her, can we please not argue right now? Like I, I literally don't have the bandwidth and I'm under intense stress. Can we have things be easy going? And she took that as like emotional abandonment and I never blocked her. I never ghosted her. I just said like there'd be times where I need to focus and work for four hours. Like I need space and she would take that as like pushing her away. She had her own embedment issues. She had her own wounds. And so that triggered her wounds. And so then it was like, how much of that's my responsibility? I have to, I have to work, right? And so maybe I could have worded it in different ways, but I felt like I used a lot of my tools and um I tried really hard, but here's the thing when my bandwidth was really low and I'm very stressed out. Those, those, those tools are coming out kind of jumbled. Like I wasn't, I wasn't at my highest to handle it in a way of like let's create context, let's create a container. If your bandwidth is low, what you, how your processing power is, is all fucked up. So I didn't have the abilities to do it like we we, we could have been like a controlled contextual situation. So she would be, you know, getting quite emotional and angry and then I'd get into my, then it triggered, my band was as low. I go straight to the avoidant. I don't have space for this. Like I just don't have time for this. You're on a time out, you know how that, how that works. Time outs don't work. It was just like she feels even more abandon and starts crawling back for more and just being angry and angry and then I'm pushing me further and further away. And then I was like, look, we should just take a break. I'm going to be out here for much longer than I expected. Like, you know, maybe, maybe it's like, not a good idea for us to do long distance in this context because the time zones and everything and I need to work like it's not going to work. And that was like a no for her long distance. It's either us going on a break means we're broken up. And I was like, sweet, I was like, I just can't right now, like I didn't have the space and it was unfortunate, but I was wondering if, if, if only her and I had a, a better way of fighting in that sense, you know, and we did, we did counseling sessions at a couple of coaches that helped and at the end of it, it's just different communication styles we chalk it up to and she needed someone there in person to be there and I could not do long distance and I physically couldn't be there. So this is not going to work, right? So that was, that was sad. And, um, but it really also showed me like, say in the future of like what's next, you know, of, of what I would like to call in and it was somebody who, you know, is a bit softer in that sense, like, naturally doesn't yell like naturally is a bit sweeter. Am I, am I looking for something that's like, um it's kind of like, well, I'm looking for a guy that makes six figures, you know, he's like, sure, great. Is that possible? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, I feel like it is and it really comes down to personality types. It comes down to how does this human know how to be with their instability inside of themselves? Is there a comfort zone of being able to navigate their inner world? You know, I look at my, my last relationship with Raven who, you know, well, um and she was a fiery Italian woman, you know, and at times just like that fire was full on in our arguments. But what I loved with her is that even in that fire, there was always a span of awareness inside of her that recognized the ridiculousness of the words coming out of her mouth at times and it would be pretty quickly after, after an argument, she was like, you know, sorry, I apologize and that softened me and that was beautiful. Whereas, like, you know, maybe around 10 years ago I was in a relationship with an Instagram potentiality relationship, you know, so beautiful. We were so good on paper and, you know, influences and all that. And they, like in our argument, she would come at me swinging, she'd come at me, you know, throwing punches and it was like, II, I had my own literally, what the fuck. Literally. I remember going into a couple session with her one time with a black guy. I mean, I, I had my own pieces in that but there was just so much fire inside of her that never had a healthy, proper container to express itself as and I was completely disowning my own inner crazy one and projecting that onto her. So that was even more amplified in her. You know, we, we went through a lot of ebbs and flows. Eventually. We said, you know, this isn't gonna work and, and went our separate ways. But I learned a lot about the, the fiery nature when there's not a proper containment for the feminine to express herself. And unfortunately, a lot of women, I've never learned proper emotional release tools and how to take responsibility. So there's almost men as well. Yeah, an expectation of, well, it's their fault, it's their fault that I'm upset and there's not even an awareness of, oh, maybe this has something to do with me. It's so funny that you said this because this is something I'd like to circle back towards in, in business as well where the number one business tool to be a successful entrepreneur is emotional regulation. And I think that's in life, like relationships in your, in business, in person, in your inner game, in your internal happiness. Like literally everything comes down to. Can you emotionally regulate yourself? Can you weather the storm? Literally, there's a storm right now. You probably heard all these like thunder showers and rain. We can hear it in the, in the, in the microphones and, and the headphones and it's like, can you regulate yourself and had another similar situation? We hired a contractor, she was going to be a long term um consultant, perhaps at Karma House, possible operations manager. And I really quickly realized this person is not emotionally regulated like, wow. And how she treated other people that weren't the boss um in a subservient way, how she treated them was like, hm, that's not OK. You cannot treat people that are below you in the hierarchy, even though she's brand new, she had no hierarchy, but she just figured that she could talk down to people and that's a huge red card for me. That's a big ego thing, right? Um But also I I was quite triggered a few times because she came, trying to coach me just like my management styles and just like, you know how I was, uh I was coming. Uh and it was, it was difficult because I really wanted to get angry, you know, and this is where I really think it's important to, to be able to bite your tongue sometimes. And in relationships, maybe you do need to express yourself but not all the time. You know, some of the times you just need to like pick your battles and especially when you're a boss, especially when you're like, say working with contractors and a lot of people listening are probably solo entrepreneurs, you know, and they, you know, they run their own practice or whatever it is and you have like a graphic designer and they totally fuck up. But it's like, don't ever call them names, don't yell at them. Give constructive, non emotional feedback. Feedback should be non emotional feedback, should be feedback. It's criticism, it's, it's direction. And is that the same in relationships where it's like, OK, well, when you have feedback to give, can you pull your emotions out of it? Obviously with the heart? It's a lot harder. But um that, that's what I really was seeing that correlation and my top emotional regulation tools were like, firstly, are you taking yourself too seriously? Right, like bring that right into myself. So I had to, she, she, she was coaching me and I was like, uh how fucking dare you originally? My original thought was like, she's the most arrogant person I think I've ever worked with, like, arrogant and egoic. I'm like, I just can't wait to have her out of my life. It was like, bad, like, just bad. And then I was like, well, wait before you type out a response back to this. Are you taking yourself too seriously? Are you also, is there a shred of truth in what you're saying? Maybe I'm getting too much feedback from too many people in the business and I'm trying to, people please everybody. OK. Where in that? Can I, can I take some of that? And when I start first took the A I taking myself so seriously uh out of it, it took a pressure down a little bit, it turned the temperature gauge down a little bit. So I'm like, OK, before I formulate a response that's like, listen, it's like, OK, can I kind of tone that down a little bit? Right? Um That was, that was important. Yeah. Do you have any other emotional regulation tools or anything like that? The uh yeah, for me, emotional regulation comes in, is someone aware of their own upset? Are they aware that there is something uh vibrating and creating levels of upset inside of them? And can they recognize that it's not the outside that um is creating that? But it's actually their own inner reality that's implementing that inside of them. And this, I, I love that you're bringing this in because this is such an important leadership piece, especially people running their own companies and businesses and organizations like is there a capacity to in a leader be transparent enough to bring their vulnerability but to not go so far in their vulnerability that they lose respect from their employees? And this, this is a fine line, especially in this new Aquarian age. We're moving into where there's much more transparency and vulnerability and, and you know, so the the tool to me and I want to hear your perspective on this as well. It's like, and I find this a lot when I'm leading retreats and I have groups is that sometimes I'll take a role in a group like have a men's retreat starting in a couple of days and it is very like not authoritative, but a bit more standoffish and, and, and leading from a bit more kind of directing, keeping my heart in it. And then other times, I'm like, well, what, what is it gonna look like if I go like full vulnerability here? So I've been exploring this in a lot of different groups and dynamics and I find that in the full vulnerability, like, yes, people can feel you more. But then sometimes there's this fine tuned space of like not losing respect, but they still almost want a certain directionality from you and, and this is where I I just, vulnerability becomes like the new hot topic and how vulnerable you being. And I love that vulnerability is so important. And like my military maritime alpha driven background also recognizes that there needs to be a, a king at the table, there needs to be someone leading and directing the ship, a captain that's there. But that captain has to have an open heart, has to be able to understand and to feel. So that's the tool I would say is can we be aware of someone else's emotional body, aware of our own? But then still be able to take that? This is a great point. I really, I really love that if I went to go say, OK, let's pick o show because we brought him up earlier. If I went to an OSHA retreat and he started talking about his taxes, I don't give a fuck about your taxes, teach me some shit. Like I like, you know, like I'm here for this, the context of our relationship is you're a leader teaching me something. I don't, I, yes, you should have a vulnerable space that's not this container. And I think the same in a, in a employer relationship, they're looking for direction, you know. So like your employer is giving you all these things about like, oh my wife's cheating on me or like, oh I'm just insecure da, da, da da like cool, but it's not exactly. It's not exactly the container for this and this is my personal opinion on it because, but I don't think we should suppress everything, but the container is super important, you know, the context of the relationship. And that's why it's important. Like men have other men to talk to in a sense, like we have men circles, we have these groups, you have the conduit for that. So you're not releasing it because even, and I think personally there, there might be other opinions of this but like, even a man and woman, like in a relationship, like a partnership, maybe you shouldn't share everything with your partner and you should have your men to actually like and same with women. Like if my partner, like my future wife say, and she has stuff that she wants to voice vent about me, that's like, oh da da da da. But like, maybe I don't want to hear all that, but maybe she should be able to talk about it with her girlfriends because maybe what she's saying is in a moment of, of her own emotional reactivity. And um that's not actually how she feels about me. But if she says that to me, then I'm going to think she thinks I'm some sort of like da da da da da and I'll act on it and it's like, well, maybe we should have our own channels, right? And I think in the workplace, there's some places where I had been venting only in the sense that the whole team was feeling it with like that new employee that was trying to come in and all of us were stressed out. I'm like, yeah, she was stressing me out like I that's not OK. She's messing up team dynamics and every time she messages me, she messages me like 12 messages at once. I have 32 messages right now. Literally I saw before I came in here 32 messages at once and I was like, that's not OK, like that's violent, that's way too many. Um And so I would vent to the team about that like this is not OK for team dynamics, I'm gonna, I'm gonna let her go like after she finishes this contract, that's not OK. But the um and then in a relationship as well, like we should be very vulnerable with our partners to an extent to a degree, but maybe not everything needs to be example, my, my two friends, the hot ones that were just, you know, getting together. Uh he has a crazy ex girlfriend, ex-wife and um she, she was with someone else and they had still had we're talking and he reached out to her to say, hey, I'm started seeing someone new and like, I just want to let you know the frequency in which we talk um would, will need to be much, much less because they still would like confide in each other and, you know, he needs to respect the new relationship. He thinks he found someone special and, and she was like, ok, that's, that's great. Like, I'm not sure why you needed to tell me that. But, and, and, and there's a bit of beef between them, you know, something animosity, whatever. And he meant to say, well, I think I finally found a puzzle piece, my missing puzzle piece and I was like, you don't need to say that to your ex. Like that doesn't need to be said, like, you don't need to say that. If you don't need to say something, don't fucking say it. So that triggered her. And she said, OK, well, let's see how um how strong that relationship is. I'll be testing it. I was like, 00 no, look at the fire you just started. OK? Could have just left it there. This guy put his foot in his mouth, he goes and talks to his to the new girl and he goes, I um you know, I talked to my ex about it. Um It didn't go as I wanted it to. She, I did, I did block her but she also said she wanted to test the relationship. So then he tells he shared, he's venting his emotional space. He stressed out that his ex was doing this, but then he was stressed and he vented this key information that would of course get into the new girl's head does not. That information does not need to be passed on. Keep, keep that, tell it to me. I'm your boy. We'll go train together and talk about it. But don't pass that information along because you're venting trying to be vulnerable when it's gonna cause violence to her head. Yeah. It's what I hear in that is this line between, like, sometimes people utilize vulnerability to try to create closeness because they're actually not willing to confront it inside themselves and they're like, there's a vulnerability there and it's almost easier to offload it. Oh, but I'm being vulnerable and sharing, but they're not actually dealing with the, the deep like place and within that's being rattled. I think we got to like process some stuff before we share, you know, and then talk to your friends that you're OK being an idiot around, like your friends that you can be an absolute idiot around. Definitely talk to them like you and me could say some shit to each other. We've had years on the clock. I could say anything to you, I believe. And you'd be like, yeah, fair enough. You're kind of being dumb there. Thanks. I appreciate it. Still love me. Awesome. You know, like, it's like, that's important. Those relationships are super important. But when you're talking about a relationship, like an employee, it can't do it. Don't say it, don't do it. And then you're talking to like your significant other or especially if it's not like, um, you know, relationship, any relationship. But I think in your one especially, you gotta be careful. I think in most situations I had a moment the other day with my new beloved and we were talking and she really was trying to talk to me, trying to get all this stuff out of me. And sometimes I'm just quite silent, like I'm happy to talk and, you know, I talk for hours and days and I'm teaching and eventually she turned to me. She was like, I really get it. Men, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Like I realize I should just talk to you like my girlfriends about this. I'm like, yeah, I don't need to be your, like, scapegoat for everything. Like it's actually great. You have girlfriends because they're going to give you a different perspective. And the, the point inside of that for me is that so many people make their relationship, their sun and their moon and their Mars and their mercury and their Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, you know, everything and then they're like, why, no wonder why these issues. There's nowhere else that there is. So we get too inundated with our partners, stuff to steel man. The argument like that. What do you think about? Then if some girls go to their group of girlfriends who are obviously on her side, you know, and so maybe she's the one that's at fault and and then she's like, this is what's happening, but obviously frames it in her point of view to her girlfriends who are on her side who then give feedback to her like he's an asshole. Like, well, I would say that she's, they're probably not a very good girlfriend if they only take one side. And this is where this like gossiping, you know, collusion of the feminine and ba ba, ba, ba, ba, ba ba and you know it happens and then a good girlfriend for that woman is actually gonna be the one that's gonna point the mirror back at what's coming up inside of you. Exactly. Like, like with us, like if I have a friend that will tell me I'm being an idiot. Like those are good friends to have, have those friends that will tell you like, Dave from the Astana Meditation. Dave, he'll quick to tell me I'm an idiot very quickly for fuck's sakes. It's a good friend. He's a great friend. He's such a great friend of hers for sure. But I don't think I've grown anywhere else as much as possible. Um, ever with a couple of teachers that I've had and close friends that have repeatedly told me I'm being an idiot, like in the sense that, that they really were ok, telling me that. And I think it's an extremely deep and beautiful connection to have where you're able to hold a friend accountable, but hold them accountable. You're holding them accountable. It's like, yeah, you're being stupid but I got you. I still love you, you know? Yeah, that's important. Is that the same in, say a relationship, like when you're, I mean, this is the hard part, actually. I think a lot of people listening, who might be some sort of coach, some sort of teaching position. Don't, don't coach your fucking partner. I know it doesn't work. Absolutely. I've learned the hard way. You cannot coach your partner and it's really difficult or be a boss if you're a boss and then you have a, you know, a couple of businesses or something or a business and then you come home as the boss and you're ordering people around to do things. It's like that doesn't work. And I've been told multiple times my ex girlfriends, like, hey, I don't work for you. I'm like, well, you kind of do I pay for everything. I'm just, I'm just kidding. I'm just, I'm just kidding. Uh It's definitely to turn off that, that context. Like, how do I speak to a certain person in a certain way? And sometimes it's difficult when you're in work mode and my ex would know I'm in work mode. So she'd ask me a question to answer in work mode. So it's like 1 p.m. on a Tuesday. So I'm in work mode and so she gets work mode responses and I have to like, try to like, break that to be like, yes, honey, like, yes, yes, I hear you. I'm very busy. Oh, what do you think about that? Just the, um, context and communication and being able to switch gears going from because you, you work, you're working with your beloved right now. Yeah. So what's that like? Um, you know, in general, I wouldn't recommend it to a lot of people, but I've had a lot of years of experience in that. So I really like this dynamic is the most healthy I've ever seen it. It's really like one of the things, a great tool. If you're working with your beloved, have a, a communication like messaging channel like whatsapp, that is only work. This is such a game changer. So I know and I get a message from her on her personal thing. That's about our relating when it's on the work mode. That's about our projects, our businesses, our potential events, all that. And it puts my mind in a different context. If anyone listening could make a change and that dynamic, if they're doing that, that's the best thing I've done. Genius. That's great. We literally just did that for Karma House. Like we had um so many chat groups and now we just have OK, Slack is gonna be for the chat for work. All the other ones can be social between the people there. But like we really needed to do that and it was a quick game changer that was actually, I felt instantly pressure off. So again, context, like the context matters. But what about if you're a coach or a boss and then you want to give feedback in your relationship and you start doing it like a coach or boss, like, well, yeah, what I find is I'll, I'll check in, I'll say, are you open to feedback for the, for, in this? And I just, I can also say I don't want to be a coach and I might see things and what I have to consciously do is not communicate to them as if they are my client, like coming in that loving awareness. But then in the moments when I can see they're struggling a little, I'll say to them, I'm gonna shift gears here for a moment. I'm going to communicate to you as if you were a client just for this amount of time. Is that ok with you? Do you want that? If they say yes, then yes. If it's no, no, I want to make that amount of time small in our amount in our relating. Because the other thing I've fallen into is almost having that more of the time of our communication we're processing. And I feel like I'm just working with uh another client actually than my beloved who I can open and be intimate and connected with. So in people in that dynamic, just have a very clear, are you open to feedback? And if I'm gonna share feedback. This is for a short amount of time. And ultimately, it's going to be something that's going to create a deeper intimacy. And I also want to take off that hat and know that we can relate back in our normal way at any given time. And this isn't going to be the norm. That's how I've done it. And, and this relationship now I feel like it works. You know, we're fine tuning our, our way. We just taught a workshop this past weekend together um flowed very well. Like there's this beautiful collaborative flow that was there. We both supporting one another and we're able to have the business conversations. At the end, we had a, you know, a two hour breakfast trying on a feedback of, oh what have we done better? And it was really beautiful at the end close that and then we move forward into our relating. So it just requires a lot of context along the way. I like that. That's pretty good. What do you think? Is it condescending or not to be like, hey, I noticed you had these issues. I have this friend Aaron who could help or I have this like to because obviously we have so many friends in the field. Like I have this friend Margot, like you should, you should, you should work with her about this, this and this like, well, I, I also like, for example, when I published my book I had so many women that were like, oh, I'm gonna buy it for my man. I'm gonna put it in his face. And I was like, I mean, yes. And there has to be a willingness, what I find works is if a partner recognizes or if together you recognize it. So there needs to be a solution outside the relationship. Then you might say I have some suggestions for you, but then let them be willing rather than pushing it down their throat and saying you need to contact them. And I see women do this all the time. It's like they're trying to make their man better. And the man's like, I'm not actually ready or willing for that right now. I had a similar situation with deodorant happen. Tell me more. So that hire that like I got to get out of my life. It was difficult and you know, it was a female and she smelled really bad, really strong beal, like strong beal. And uh everybody was feeling it, the Balinese staff, every literally everybody in the room and it was, it was not just once. So there might be one time you forgot to put it on this morning and it was hot outside in Bali. Sure, four times in a row. So no, you smell like you're just smelly. It's not OK. And I'm a male boss. How do I tell a female? Like, hey, like, you know, maybe you could try smell like deodorant and try, you know, like, uh, how do you, how do you say that to a woman? She's older than me too. Like, how do I, how do I communicate this? It was difficult. So I asked, you know, and then I asked one of the females of the group, like, can you, can you talk to her about it because, like, everybody knows, right? Maybe a woman to woman thing. And so she was like, hey, they have these crystal deodorants at alchemy. Like, you know, they're, they're pretty good and she was like, oh yeah, I've seen them. What a cool thing. Have you, you've seen them? Have you tried them? And it was like, how do you, like if someone's not open and willing, like without offending or jamming it in their face, it's kind of like, you know, we're only, we're only gonna take the advice when we're receptive and receptivity is super, super important because, you know, we teach different things, of course. But um there's some intersections where like emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, you know, connecting with, with your mind and things like that, that, that can overlap. So we could possibly teach some of the same things, but somebody would be more receptive to, to you or me possibly, you know, if they came from Vancouver in a rough area, they're gonna, they're gonna resonate with me, you know, they came from like a maritime background or something. They get it. So they're receptive. I think that receptivity really, really matters. So that's why I was trying to get a female to, to connect, you know, to connect. But it was some people just, you know, they're on airplane mode when it comes to that the lights are on but nobody's home. It's tough on that. Yeah. Well, amazing. You know, I have, uh, one last question I want to bring up and as you mentioned earlier in your own parents that had the, you know, arranged marriage. And I'm just curious when it comes to love and your own upbringing and Indian upbringing, like, how, how do your, how's your family, you know, navigate and be with your lifestyle, the differentiation of the world that you've come from. It's super funny. Uh I'm totally the black sheep of my family, obviously. I mean, my head tattooed, I own tattoo shops. I live in Bali. You know, my family are all blue collar like nurses and school teachers. And my dad worked for, you know, a cable company for 30 years. My mom was a community librarian for 40 years, same job for 40 years in a library. I'd go fucking crazy. You know, I've, I've had four jobs today actually, you know, like it's, I mean, businesses I own but still their jobs, you know, I, I'm working so obviously I work in a very different context um and living in a spiritual community on the other side of the planet is a very different dating pool, you know, than back home. And, uh, it's just too funny because I guess now because I just turned 36 and, you know, now my family is like, have an accident baby. It's ok. Just have a kid, just have a kid or whatever, you know. And my grandma, my nanny like, ok, my family, Sikh Punjabi and Sikhs and Muslims beef like forever, like, you know, like because when the Muslims were invading from Pakistan, uh they would murder a lot of other races, religions to convert you to Islam. And it was just how it was back in the day, right? And so Sikhs were militant against um defending all religions. That's why we're quite a militant culture. Um is because we're defenders of all faiths. So we defend the Christians and the, and the Hindus and all that and we'd be like, no, like we everyone can do what they want in religion, right? Like let's just not, you know, and so, but there's a stigma there in like my grandparents and great grandparents, like there's, there's, there's some racism, you know, in that situation. So grandma's like you can marry anyone you want except a Muslim and now she's just like have a baby like whatever, like praise Allah, right? So it's just funny to see them like kind of shift their barriers a little bit. Um And it was kind of funny because I like recently been, I have a couple of dates with a girl who's actually Muslim. So it's super funny. She's not very Muslim. She's, she's grew up in Holland. Right. But like I was just laughing about it in my head because it's very new. We went on a couple of dates but just, I can hear my grandma in the back of my head a little bit about it. I'm like, I'm a Muslim, you know, like what about now? But to come back to it, like my folks see me go for like my girlfriends have always been like goody good girls. Like they're sweet, even though they're dating a drug dealer, they were still pretty like pretty proper, not tattooed like me in their feminine, you know, um sweet, that kind of thing. The thing I could see that would work for me in that sense is because I do feel like I am quite in my masculine pole and I, and I'm a little traditional I'd say in that sense where like I will want to take care of things and I will want to protect and provide and, and I, and I hold that that essence down and I am a little bit more traditional I say in the feminine where I do want certain things done for me. Like maybe there's that Indian Prince attitude a little bit where it's like, can you cook? I hope so because that's important to me like I, I, I appreciate those things, but it's interesting living in an international space where you get people coming from everywhere that, that's not as common anymore. Like the gender lines I think are a little bit blurred where guys and women are now, you know, sharing the bills. Ok. Sure. Um, and maybe the, the, the cooking and the cleaning and the things like this, like they're a bit more mixed and seeing the different cultures that have, you know, gotten a chance to been so lucky to date out here because there's an international community. So I've had, you know, girlfriends from, uh, all over the place and it's been interesting to kind of play around and see like how, how that works. And I still think I'm a bit more in my masculine and want to attract in a bit more of the feminine where we have a bit of our roles. Uh, you know, without sounding misogynistic, it just kind of makes sense to me. That's a little bit of where it was at. Um, so I think that's kind of where I'm at now or my family. They just want me to be with someone that's awesome. They don't, they don't, they don't mind. They, they're not like old school at all. They've seen, I had an overwhelmingly um high amount of Asians that I've been dating. But because like, like I grew up in an Asian area in Vancouver. So, like my first, you know, my first long term girlfriend was Vietnamese and then Vietnamese Chinese and Vietnamese again. And so it was like long term relationship. I've been in Vietnam twice and met two families a lot. Right. And now, um switching it up, I think I tried that a lot. Let's just switch it up a little bit. Uh And I think at this point, what I really value is someone that just has a big open heart that's genuinely a good person that wants to do some good things for the world that like has that mission so we can be on a mission together. So no matter what we do, we're doing some good stuff and there's the need to have that, that sweet, you know, good, good, but also maybe a little bit badass or it is OK with me being bad ass, you know, that's, that's kind of we're right now. Beautiful and la last question for you. So you're 36. Now, if you were to go back 10 years to your 26 year old self, what, what would the three things be around sexuality and love that you would tell your 26 year old self? Oh, wow. That's interesting because that was at the time where I was trying to get out of the dope game. I, I still wasn't out of it yet. Um My weekends and sexual activities would be like, like a weekend music video, like just sex and drugs and you know, MD ma and lingerie and, you know, good times, good times. But um it was definitely a different connection with sexuality where it was very much and very promiscuous. You know, it was just like, like a rap music video, you know, and it was, I think what I would say now would be go deep, like learn tantra would be one of my first things would be like, cool, having these big sexy druggy nights are fun but also like there's more out there. So just to see there's more out there just to see there is t there is presence so you can, you can get into that. That's important. Do that, right? Go for depth. Um meditate, like actually just meditate more like really be and meditate with your partner and be out in nature, meditate with nature, you know, like be have your sexuality be also connected to God and, and the planet like what's around you. So yeah, that's special. Do that like try that. So sex can be a spiritual practice which is of course time travel, do that one, right? Um The other one, I mean, I don't know about 26 if I'd say at that age, but I kind of state it now as like, II I definitely at that age as well is like maybe limit the amount of sex you'd have with people that you wouldn't care. Like if you, if, if they got pregnant, would you be like, oh God, like, try not to have sex with people that you just would not want anything to do with. You know, after the fact, like, you would never have a baby with them because there's also like, leaky, you get bodies, you're just getting a big body count and it's like, maybe they're just ones that you didn't need to do. And at that age you don't really know any better and you don't really know about like sexual energetics. And you know, there's a lot of clearings and cleansing that I've done to just clear and feel pure again, you know, take an industrial level of like a Hazmat suit clearing all my to Yeah, I think that kind of, yeah, be, be spiritually conscious, be sexually conscious and connect with depth instead of quantity. I love the specificity of that. It's great. Great. Well, I love you brother. I love your vulnerability and just the grace of this conversation. I think you can pull out a more ridiculous um open and vulnerable, you know, I hope no one judged me on this one. I just to, yeah, you're sharing with AAA deep open heart and a lot of a lot of clarity and yeah, I really respect you. Thank you, man. Thank you. Great to have you all with us and thank you for this. The thunder is uh bringing us to a close here, amazing pleasure and uh see you all next time, love sex and leadership. Nice one. Awesome, thank you.