Welcome to the Love, Sex, and Leadership podcast, where you can discover simple tantric teachings to embody your true power, awaken your soul's wisdom, and live an inspired life as a natural, intuitive, and heart-centered leader. Welcome everyone to Love, Sex, and Leadership. My name is Aaron Kleinerman. I am very excited today to have on the show Gerard Adams. We were uh Both speaking at the same event in Toronto from a a friend who I've been on his podcast before, um, a friend, uh. Uh, yeah, who, who sounds amazing events there's rock, yeah, yeah, sorry. And um, yeah, Gerard and I had a good, uh good conversation and did catch up and uh we've been trying to make this happen for a little while. So, um, yeah, Gerard is, uh, a devoted father, a man of God, an investor, he's an entrepreneur, yeah, just a really powerful influencer. When we had a good kind of man to man conversation at this event that you just feel his heart more than anything, and that's something that I look for and really uh strive for and honor. Uh, and the men that are making a difference in the planet, and, and someone as him. I'm grateful to have on the show to have a conversation to see where it goes. So welcome to the show. Yeah, Aaron, thank you so much for having me. And, um, yeah, I really, really received that, brother. Thank you for, for honoring me and sharing, uh, this platform with me. And, uh, I remember that, that day and being really inspired by your talk as well. And so thank you for the work that you're doing in the world and for you guys all listening. Um, just excited for where this conversation will go. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So I, I think the, the first question, it, it, it came through when I was just kind of reviewing some of your background and whatnot is, you know, I, I often find for especially male bodies that are at a point of leadership in their lives and leading, you know, humans in the realms of transformational growth. There's certain like pivotal key turning points that from the life of, let's say, being more ordinary to being more extraordinary. And I'm curious for you like what maybe one of those one or two of those key turning points where we recognize, well, I'm, I'm here to really make a strong difference in not only your own life but the lives of others. Hm, wow. That's a great question. Turning points, mm. Mhm. So many. Like I'm just, I'm still, there's so, so many, man, just constantly, uh, you know, having these different turning points in my life. I think the first one that came through right away for me was, you know, 30 years old. You know, I, I really think about. This concept of the three mountains. It's a curriculum that I, that I, um, that I teach and I, I, I really think about like the three mountains. It's like the, this, my 20s was like my first mountain, kind of seeking financial success and proving myself and validation and, and all of that. And then I kind of came to the second mountain, which was my 30s. And it was, I think it was in that moment, because the second mountain was when I really started to open myself up as to like, who am I without the money? Now that I've climbed this mountain and sold my company for $50 million my second eight-figure business, like I was, I kind of, all of a sudden I'm being asked to speak on stages with the Gary Vaynerchucks of the world. I'm speaking at, you know, different incubators in Silicon Valley. I'm winning awards and And so all of a sudden it was like these things that I was after finally came to fruition and I was, and it, and then all of a sudden I didn't feel happier. I had like this whole, 00 yeah, I feel it. Oh, I just like tapped into it. I'm just like, oh, I feel it. It was like this huge freaking. A hole in me, man, that just felt empty, and I just remember being on a balcony. And I went, man, it was a difficult uh exit to like, I'm getting threatening letters from venture capitalists, we're in a boardroom, big sale. I'm trying to block the vote. It was a crazy process of like letting go my baby because as an entrepreneur too, when you finally have something that works. Because we, we strive to succeed and to build this company and business, and you go through so many failures. I've gone through so many failures, and people don't see those, they see the, the ones that work, but it's like this one. I became so attached to it. My identity became Elite Daily.com, you know, and this company. And so I remember when it, when it exited, and now this baby's no longer my baby, and it, this company, the Daily Mail, I don't know if you're familiar with them. They acquired it. It was no longer my baby anymore and I just had this whole man, and I remember being on this balcony. My accountant's like, gee, you're gonna get millions of dollars wired to your account. You know, moved to Florida, save on state income tax, um, and, and, and this older version of me that was like exotic cars and penthouse. I was all excited. I get this penthouse and I just felt empty, man, and I prayed in that moment, and I just had this really divine moment with God where I just Oh my God, man, like what, why did this happen? Why, why me? You know, I didn't really deserve this, like the young kid from New Jersey that didn't, they kind of had odds, stacked against him, didn't have some big degree, didn't grow up with rich parents. Like I just felt I was like, why me? And, and it was in that moment. That was like a big moment for me, one of them, where I really felt God, man, and just like, well, it's because it's your turn to now be a mentor. I've, I've guided you with different mentors in your life to get to this point, and now it's time for you to To be, um, that inspiration for others that may feel like you or like that they did that they can't do it or doubt themselves. And, and I was just like this moment for me and, and it was that plus. After speaking at these big, um, incubators in Silicon Valley and these bigger stages, you know, I kind of started to see the resources that were given to entrepreneurs in some of these other big cities. And growing up as a small town kid, I'm like, wait a second, they actually have these things called incubators. They're actually teaching and supporting entrepreneurs. And so that's kind of when I felt The inspiration to what if I went back to my roots in New Jersey in the hood and created an incubator and started teaching entrepreneurship, emotional intelligence, and financial literacy to, to youth, to young, to young people that look like me, um, that may not have those resources yet, or know that that is a pathway. And so that was like a one big, I would say really big turning point for me in my life. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful. It sounds like a, a deep meeting of, of, of God. One of the definitions of, of God I had received from a mentor years ago was a grand organized design of this kind of wild crazy life that we're we're we're living in GOD. And I'm, I'm curious for you because I, I feel often when the word God gets woven into Um, arenas with finances and more, you know, CEO types, sometimes people don't even really want to go to God cause they're often associating it to more religion. So I, I'd love to hear more about what your own personal, you know, relationship with, with spirit, with God, and, and how that turning point for you kind of maybe opened you up more to the, the realms of God and and and what that kind of energetic vibration is in your world. Mm, yeah, thanks, bro, for that, um. Yeah, that, that opportunity to share that, um, hm, gosh, I mean, just coming back from this, I'd mentioned to you prior to the show, I just uh came back from Guatemala serving um with uh a group of men, a leadership retreat and At this moment coming up this mountain, bro. This is the 3rd mountain now, you know, in the, in, in what I was, you know, leading at this point, and I, as we were climbing this mountain physically, I remember. Um, there was an invitation for us to bring this rock up to the top of the summit, and let this rock represent a piece of something that we need to let go of. That's a piece of us, that's, that's, um, that's no longer in alignment. And I remember just feeling deeply that like, I've been leading a lot. Even, even as a purpose-driven leader or entrepreneur, all these things, like I still felt like I was leading from a place of ego, even though I'm always surrendering to God, I just still felt that my own will was getting in the way. I kept hitting ace my limitations. I kept Revenue, revenue wise, impact wise, like all these things I'm like hitting these like ceilings, like I just physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, so I'm just like, you know what, every step is gonna be a declaration. I'm, I'm giving up my will for God's will. And when I got to the top of this mountain, bro, and I threw this chalk as a freaking declaration of letting go of my will for God's will. I felt I got smashed in the face, bro, like smash you gotta see the video, dude. We get smashed in that moment with like craziest wind and rain, like it literally was like as if like God was like, all right, now I can show you my power, you know what I mean? And I'm like, who am I to think I'm like, I got all this strength and all this stuff and, you know, and it's like. Yeah, yeah, I just, I, we're such a beautiful reminder for me of just being able to not think I need to do this alone, and that like God's got this, man, and I can really surrender into God's strength, um, and, um, that was, that was, that was really powerful and If you know, after that, going back to that moment I told you about the depression, I mean, in that moment, the moment turning point I had with God was actually my first psychedelic experience. Um, I had just done an event for 300 entrepreneurs. One of my dear friends, and it was a speaker, Daniel DiPiazza, afterwards was like, Yo, gee, you just gave a speech about doing the hard, uncomfortable, uncertain things. I got something for you. I'm going to see my shaman. I'm like, what the what the F is shaman, bro? He's like, he's like. Uh yeah, picture that. And so, you know, I, I end up going with him to this apartment in Brooklyn with like, I swear it's like Burning Man in an apartment. The door opens up, this monk looking dude opens the door, bald guy, straight up looks like a freaking modern Dalai Lama. There's The twinkly lights in the space. I'm like, what am I getting myself into? We go in this apartment and he starts to talk to me about this, this, uh, molecule DMT and this frog, uh, this toad, and 5 MEO DMT and, and this whole experience. And like, next thing you know, man, I'm inhaling this 5 MODNT, bro, and just, I thought, one, I thought this was the worst decision of my life. I thought, uh, my brain's gonna get stolen. I'm getting addicted to some kind of drug. I'm, you know, I just went to like the deepest fear state. I literally tried to haymaker, the the shaman. Um, he gets his hand on my heart. He's like, You're safe, you're loved. And in that moment, I was like, All right, I have no choice but to go through this by just surrendering. And that, believe it or not, that moment for me was a turning point for me because I really died. And I think it's really about this, this constant process of death and rebirth for me, where I meet God. And um and now, now I look to do that sober. I don't look to do that with psychedelics. um and uh but that, that moment for me. It really caused me to have a, a serious death of, of my ego in that moment. And I felt love, man. Self-love, love. And so I feel like God for me represents as simple as that love. Can I get out of the fear state, and can I step into my true faith and lead from that place of, of love? Yeah, yeah, beautiful. It reminds me that the first time I had uh 5MEO toad, I had a little bit more awareness around it, and the first thing that came through me from like the bottom of my belly was just love, like it was I just opened this channel, it opened up this preacher that wanted to speak and flow and and just let like the spirit of God move through me. And for about 30 minutes, I just channeled God. I just channeled the voice of God and like let myself pour through. At the end of it, the guy turned to me, he's like, I've been serving this medicine for, you know, 2030 years. I've, I've never heard someone articulate so clearly on this medicine. It was a big turning point for me of like actually opening up and, and knowing and remembering and trusting in the potency and the power of my voice to make transformation and impact in the world. So, Um, yeah, it's a, it's a, it's, it's a potent medicine. Or, oh yeah, I mean, especially to start off, man, it's like, OK, we're going there. Um, that's cool, man, to hear that you had that experience too. Yeah. The, the, the, the key pieces I was, I was hearing and, and I feel like I want to make a couple threads here is, is really there's a deeper capacity of surrender. And, you know, I know you do some work with men and brotherhood and, you know, helping, you know, male bodies be more uh have greater impact and and and make more money and then, and, you know, be good fathers, etc. The, the thing I was hearing a lot of what you're sharing, and I like it cause it's often the things I'm bringing in in my men's retreats and things, it's like, uh, the capacity to surrender, the capacity to really let go of what we no longer have control of, and just a a a question or kind of an inquiry around like when you're working with and supporting men in this way to that place of surrender, like. What, what do you see are some of the biggest challenges that men face with actually doing is what we're talking about, like surrendering the ego, letting go of control, and truly trusting like the capacity of God, like the capacity that we're just a small little, you know, blimp on a, on, on a spinning, spinning rock in the middle of the cosmos or in a very short amount of time. So how, how, how do we truly surrender as a man? some thoughts. Wow, I love this question. I love this question so much and uh oh man, the great surrender, like, jeez, it's, it isn't easy. As men, you know, I think from my experience, I can get so caught up in my head, bro. Like, I, you know, just being a leader who's managing a portfolio of businesses, who's, you know, got my personal brand, who's got a 3 year old little girl, and being a father and managing. family and friends and community and, and like, with all of those things that are responsibilities that I have that I'm really grateful for, a lot, I spent a lot of time in my mind, man. And, and a lot of guys I feel can relate to that. We're, we're, we're thinking, we're contemplating, we're strategizing, we're, we're, um, You know, we're, we're really spending time up here. And so I think the biggest thing, one is, is creating space and giving men permission to feel and to just allowing them to drop from that head down into that heart space, down into that body. And, and it simply is just creating that space to breathe into that, and, and, and really feel into what is really alive for me. And then it's like that constant practice of like having that before we do our podcast, having that before you make investment decisions, having that before you have a conversation with your beloved or, um, business partner. And so, for me, just like creating a space to, to support them to move from that head down, because we're, you know, I, I, it's, I love that we get to be, have critical thinking. And I love that as men, that we can strategize, and we can make decisions, and we can give direction and the mind is really powerful. But it's really coming into between that head and that heart and that spine that I find you really get integrated. Um, and I would say the next thing is like, actually like really getting uncomfortable. I think that's what I really love about these adventure leadership retreats that we're doing, and I see that you're doing as well is I find myself being really comfortable at times in my office and, you know, just doing work and at home, and creating, you know, a safe environment with my, for my family and Um, especially when you're an entrepreneur and you're focused on growing your company and scaling your business, you kind of really want to stay in your routine, you know, where it's safe. And that's great. And consistency is important, but I find that by getting out of the comfort zone and like actually leaving the nest and going out to hunt, going on a rite of passage, whatever that means for you, and doing something really hard and uncomfortable, but choosing that, again, I find that forces you to have to surrender. You know, going up this mountain. That we just did. Weather came, you know, guides were like, we don't know if it's safe. It was and there was a true like, OK, we need to surrender here because there's things out of our control. Um, and so I find that, that being another, that being another one. and then third, I'll just say really just brotherhood, you know what I mean? Like, actually creating a, a container where you're just not doing it alone anymore. You're not isolating, but you're actually in a container, a container. That actually is holding the, the brotherhood that you're in, in, in integrity, um, where there's accountability, because I think that when there's, there's actually a container that holds a high level of accountability, integrity, responsibility, room for conflict, room for clearing, and, and making contact, and there's a there's core principles and ways to be able to do that. It does give I feel myself an opportunity to like surrender that, OK, these guys got me. You know what I mean? They really do got me and I can actually now let go and trust that these men got me in my fucking mess, in my shit, in my lies, in my cheating, in my fucking all my stuff. They're gonna hold me and, and I, and I don't have to worry about, um, you know, being abandoned and being judged. Um, and even if they, you know, they do, it's being held and it's being Brought forth and it's being spoken to. Um, and so I find those are, I would say the three things that really support with that practice of surrender. The, the, the thing I hear around surrender and, you know, and I, I wanna connect the dots on this beautiful explanation. Thank you. um, is where this place of surrender, power, and vulnerability begin to intersect together, where they begin to weave together, because, you know, at this event where we met, I was holding kind of the, the. and the the speech around sex and you were speaking around power and you know, I appreciated in that talk, your capacity to hold the point of power, but also in that communicate into the layers of the vulnerability in your being. And, and to me that was one area where I was like, oh, I can have, I had more respect for you because I could feel where that vulnerability was woven in with the point of authority. And what I often notice for men often that are. and entrepreneurs and in their mind and getting shit done and being the provider and taking care of things is the moments of when vulnerability steps in, it's like, uh oh, like, you know, there's almost a fear as if bad shit's gonna happen now because that very ingrained part of us that like needs to have the armor and be strong and be be centered. And one of the things I'm often speaking with groups, especially men, is where power and vulnerability are actually quite uh woven, um, and, and even in our mainstream society, vulnerability isn't something that a lot of people are praising, uh, you know, the masculine aspect in, in, as a beneficial thing. It's becoming more woven together, but it's often from a place of, ah, he's, you know, he, he's being weak. It's, he's, he's down on his, down on his knees. He's lost the cutting edge, you know, he's not seeing the right things properly because he's vulnerable. On that point. So I'd love to hear some of, like, maybe if there's some particular story or time that where you've been, you know, I could hear the place of surrender, but like that deep vulnerability, that deep place of like, wow, like, does my brother actually have my back here? Like I, I, I've thought about this, I've read it in the books. I know it's possible, but does my brother actually have my back in the situation? And can I bring myself vulnerably here and know that I'm still held and protected and safe? Yeah. Mm. Hm, to be honest with you, bro, like, starting this men's movement in this brotherhood, for me was really vulnerable because I had just gotten through a separation. I'm a new dad. I'm not like some OG dad. I'm not some OG in men's work, but God put it on my heart. It was something I was looking for. I was feeling, uh, I was feeling lonely, isolated. I was looking for other men that were, that wanted to step into a container. Um, I had tried some other containers, but really it was like, vulnerable for me, uh, to, to allow myself to be seen in my Pain of going through a heartbreak and a separation with the love of my life, who is my fiance, after having a child and feeling now like a failure as a dad. But then who am I to freaking lead men? Who am I to, to, to say this is, this is, you know, and so, for me, I think it was really scary. And then just stepping into like the highest level of integrity in front of these guys and owning my truth to them, I felt a lot of shame, bro. And I had never had a space to really be to share that shame and share that truth and share like where I really felt like I had failed as a man. And, you know, there's something about, for me it was like, it was, it was really vulnerable to go first, too. Um, I knew the importance of like, the how that would create safety for the rest of the group. Um, but I wanted it to be really authentic. And so it was like, really balancing, OK, I gotta go first here. And this is Important. And I get to be really raw and real and authentic. And that was just, that was, that was hard. We have something called the King's chair, and I just sat in that chair, man, and the guys just fully challenged me and I got to just speak about the hardest things, the things I don't want to talk about that I'm fear most speaking about. Oh man. And uh it's, it's so interesting that what happens, like, the bonds that were created, the safety that was created with the group, um, nobody left. If anything, people respected me more, and it's like, you know, we think vulnerability is a weakness like you talked about, it's, it's something that a lot of men fear, and it really is a strength, because you get to see the men. My human, humanness, my human spirit, um, it made me more relatable, more real. And, um, and, you know, I, I do think that like vulnerability isn't meant to just be like spewed out anywhere. You know, I feel like, you know, vulnerability is also somewhat of a popular topic right now. And I, and I really do believe in like authenticity, but not manufacturing some vulnerability, but like having a space that you really, you really have trust and accountability, um, in that space. And, um, because I I found that, I found it to be very healing, honestly, um, because I've been able to not just be vulnerable, but like come back to my power in that vulnerability. Like really allow time and space to feel it all, be seen and witnessed in all of its, all of its, the, the tears, the rage, all of it to be welcomed, and then to like process that, and then they, and then be held and supported. To come back to my power and stop giving my power away. And therefore really transform through that vulnerability. Um, and so, man, it's been, I would say that would be, that's been one for me, that just literally launching guards of Honor, our, our men's, you know, our men's movement right now is, man, is taking, taking a new vulnerability to a new level for me. Because there's something else about just being in front of, in front of just men. Like, oh, man, it's like, I ain't getting away, I ain't getting out of here with hiding. You got it, you just, they're not getting away from hiding in this. So, yeah, yeah, no, I, I, I feel that every time I usually do 3 or 4 times a year or so I'm running one of the retreat called the initiation journey for men and you know, I run a lot of retreats in groups and that particular retreat I, I I love a lot. I'd see such a Vast level of transformation that happens in one week. But I have that similar feeling of like every time I, I tell them, it's like it, it requires me to get really empty and to get really like anything that's that I'm sitting with with my partner, with life, with finance that I haven't really mindd and processed through. Just gonna, you know, get in the way in, in some way. And actually, the more that I can express that deep line with power and vulnerability, then it's that much more of a, of a healthy transmission for men to find that inside themselves. So I can relate a lot to that place. Yeah, I love it, you know, like. I feel that. Yeah, I, I, I, I, I, I wonder if you relate to that. Like for me, when I'm facilitating or when I'm speaking, or when I'm teaching, like my prayer that I, I come to is, you know, spirit, let me, you know, how can I serve? and like, how can I ultimately become more empty here? How can I like empty out so that I can become a channel of grace, a channel of God, a channel of of of uh life to move through me in many ways. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah. So, uh, you're, you know, also a father. Fatherhood's quite close in, in my world, and, uh, be sharing more about that coming up. But uh, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm curious for you, the moment that you first knew or you, you saw the, the heartbeat of your daughter, you recognized, wow, this isn't, this is, this isn't just something we're talking about anymore. This is real. Take me to that moment. I wanna, what what, how was it? Wow. Oh man. This has been The biggest blessing of my life. I've gone through so much. It was like the biggest goal for me. I had a mentor who basically called me forward and was like, gee, your next thing is the next, the next 100 million or billion dollar idea. It's, it's fatherhood. And, and it struck a chord, and I started every day, every day since, like, really working on myself and to become the father before I became the father. And, um, and so there's like all that work preparing for fatherhood, leading to this moment of like, I knew the moment she got pregnant. I was so happy when she told me, even she was so scared. And the moment I heard her first heartbeat, man, just, oh man, it's just like, God, man. Like, then God it's like, it's a whole nother God experience or like Like, what, uh, like, what? We create human beings and this being is like a part me, a part her. It just, it just, God, man, it was. And then when I found that it was a little girl, it just it blew my mind. But I mean, I can speak about this for hours, dude. It's, it's been, it's been the best, best part of my life, hands down. Beautiful. Probably some of the most challenging moments as well, right? Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, she's my greatest teacher. She's upleveled me in so many ways. It's incredible, um, because I wanna be the best version of her. I wanna be the embodiment of the man that one day she will meet, um, that will create the safety for her beyond me. Um, it's been the ultimate surrender to God because there's only so much I can do to physically protect her, spiritually protect her, but I gotta surrender to God to be able to protect her when I'm not around and You know, and then just, you could do all this conscious work, right? But when a baby is freaking hysterical and she's screaming and diapers are filled and things are crazy, and you have no sleep, it's like, all right, you know, who are you in that moment? Who are you in that ceremony? The robbers meeting the road. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly, man. And then they're a mirror, dude. They're just a mirror. She's an absolute mirror to everything. And so it's, it's, she's been my greatest teacher, and, and it's really called me forth in the most beautiful way. It's just levels of new levels of patience, compassion, empathy, joy, bliss, wonder, a, um. Maturity, like talking to her like an adult, like explaining things to her and, and really treating her with with reverence and respect and um it's just been so freaking amazing, bro, to, to, to continue every day it's just I've grown and witnessing her and how she's, she's just uh turned 3 and so like, Her personality is starting to blossom, and the way she sees the world, and yeah, it's like a deep level of love and also just responsibility. You know, you really feel that. Like, you can go and lead all the things in the world, you want all the people in the world, all the businesses, but, you know, your child, there's a, it's a different level of, I feel responsibility as a father. Mhm, mhm. So, and, and how has that been with, with her, her mother, with, you know, your relations and, and, and you shared a little bit about that, but I guess the the question is that, especially for, you know, other listeners or men who are going through, you know, similar difficulties or, or, you know, challenges after bringing a child in the world and sometimes relating has its, um, you know, ebbs and flows and and difficulties along the way. What's been kind of your guiding medicine for that, you know, to keep a level of both like healthy boundaries as well as inner integrity? Bro, you just nailed it, you know, as you were asking that question, I was like, cause that's been in, that's also been one of my greatest challenges and areas of growth has been, you know, bringing this little girl into the world. And then my, uh, ex-fiance, you know, saying she doesn't want to move forward. She, she wants to get separated. It's Heartbreaking, bro, like, grief. And then it was like, OK, like, who am I in this relationship? And so it just, I really feel it. I think the one thing I would say is, we're still family. You're still like, she's always gonna be the mother. And so, how can, I'll speak from my experience, I, I, I was like, OK, how can I still show up fully loving her as the mother, creating a container with her where We have a shared vision. We both were able to align cause we were bickering, we were like, you know, we broke after we broke up, it was, it was it was a little hostile, it was a little difficult, um, and so it was like grounding in, OK, we're no longer romantically a couple, and We're both aligned. Where's the alignment? The alignment is we both have a shared vision and shared goal to be the very best co-parents that we possibly can for our little girl. We want to give her the best experience possible with mommy and daddy, even though it's a redefining our our definition of family. And so once we align to that shared vision, it is a lot easier to then come up with trust agreements and what does that look like? um. What are the agreements that we have on, on when she's with you, when she's with me, how we want to raise her. And it just, I created this structure where we have a weekly meeting where we talk about these things. Getting help and support is huge. I got a third party co-parenting expert, just like I would hire a coach for business or hire a coach for personal growth. I hired a coach for co-parenting, and they came in and they helped to guide us. And then, um, after getting support, Yeah, the healthy boundaries piece was big. Um, I, I had to, I had to set those, you know, and I had to really talk to her about like, if it's about Skylight, you can, you know, hit me up all the time, but you don't have access to me the way that you once did when we were a couple. So, you know, I, I, what does that look like if you, you know, certain things you can reach out to me. But otherwise, you bring it to our call that we have once a week. Um, and Because I noticed that. And then when I finally was, you know, healed to a place of opening myself up romantically, I, it was important to me to not just have, um, just random messages that for frustration at any point in time where it would affect, it would, it was affecting other, that dating experience. And so I just had to learn about those kind of boundaries. Um, And it's, you know, I'm still learning from the journey, but I feel like we and we got, we finally have hit a stride where we have structure, where we meet consistently. Um, we have shared values and shared vision for raising her, got help, support, and help. And I just had to continue to lean on my brothers, man, and continue to lean on this work because there's still things that she'll, that, that were, that were previously really upset me. Um, and, you know, being honest, there was something today. Um, I, I had to put the boundary of not no longer looking at her social media because of this, she has a story of, of the way things happened, and I felt that there was a, it wasn't the full story, let's just put it that way. And so I decided, you know what, for myself, I'm going to protect my piece. I'm just going to restrict, I don't need to go and look at her social media. I can have this healthy relationship for our, for our child. Um, and then, you know, someone today had reached out to me and been like, hey man, I, I saw something and I said, are you OK? And It just It rocked me a little bit, man, you know, and I just did practice, this is why the work is so important. I, I got to just be in my practice of like creating some space for me to feel what it feels like sometimes, where I feel disrespected or feel hurt and just allowing space for me to feel into that, bro, and then not react and just be like, all right, presencing that, breathing through that, and then working on coming back to the fact that You know, I love her as the mother of my child, and that's important to me is to have a healthy, loving relationship. And so just letting that, letting that pass, letting that go, while in the, the space that we've created to speak, if I feel I need to speak about something, I speak it. Hey, I, I feel, uh, you know, I, this is something that I really want a presence and speaking directly to it, you know, and just letting her know. It could be, it could be. Something as simple as, you know, like, hey, you've been referring to me as G. I really would like it if you, you know, you call me by my name Gerard, um, it just like speaking directly to her and just telling her what it is that I, that I really want, and You know, not holding back from that, but make looking at the come from, I'm always like checking in, like, where's my come from here? Is it, is this important? Is it, why is this important to me before communicating it to her. Whereas in the past, I would just react and then bang, like hit her with something. So it's been really like slowing down so that way when I do bring it to her, I'm like really checking in, where does it come from and what's the impact of this? Do I? Is this, you know, is this something that needs to be addressed? If so, great. Speak to it, be direct. Or is this something that I get to just give compassion to myself and recognize that part of me that still maybe hurt? And then like moving that myself. Yeah, I think the the romantic partners and the beautiful beings that come into our lives. I know for me it has been some of my my greatest lessons and teachers if I look back to each one and, you know, my current partner, I feel like there's uh always a beautiful uh honest place of reflection and and learning there and I think the, the, the segue I want to make to that is, is, you know, in these roles of leadership that that we have in the world, you know, leading people, influencing, supporting them, helping them move through their, their traumas and the difficulties, you know, there's often a, a field of projection, you know, of course, there's a field of projection that gets created when with the, you know, the mother of your of your child. But even more, especially when you're in front of groups and that field of projection and I guess I'd love to hear from you, like, where do you as a as a leader, like how do you have some type of um feedback process or reflection process? Cause I know like I always want to hear the things people are sharing, so I know it might not all be true. But there's some peppercorns of truth there. There's some things that I know that are probably gonna, gonna hit a chordd inside of me that's gonna give me a chance to grow. But with that, there's often a lot of, you know, projection and, and bullshit and things that are being thrown out that it's just like that's not accurate. So I'm, I'm curious how you navigated this to the best of your ability. Oh man, dude, such a great question. You know, one thing I didn't realize. was how connected our romantic relationships are to the mother and the father wound. Like, so much of her relationship with me has, was based on the father wound, and so much of my relationship with my ex was based on the mother wound, and we, we attracted each other in that place. Um, and so, to answer your question, for me, there was a, when I would receive, I felt a A lot of times projection through, what I would, my interpretation of her relationship with her father. I actually said it's not my job to do her work or to bring it to her awareness. And so for me, it was holding a field of compassion and recognizing what about what she is saying is mine and what is not mine. And always being cur curious in that compassion for her. compassionate for her, but also curious within myself to actually say, OK, what about this is mine, and really let go of the shit that's just not mine. And there's been many times I felt projection that I'm like, man, that fucking hurt. Like that is not who I am, right? Or whatever it was. And then there, but I would still slow down, man, and get curious and then still be like, you know what? There is still an opportunity for me that I can see how by me behaving in that way could have hurt her and could be out of integrity. And I could have. So I'm always just in, you know, really looking at it, staying open to and being curious of what that growth is, but also like recognizing a lot of this, a lot, what is not mine, and, and letting that, letting it go. And what's really cool is about this is like, over time, our relationship has become more and more healed. And over time, there's been more responsibility between us, where she's owned up to things with me around projection, like specifically being like, hey, I've, I've projected a lot and I, I've done some healing work and I really I I recognize that I want to take responsibility and apologize. I'm like, oh my God, you have no idea how much that meant to me. And then there was moments I've come to her and been like, hey, like, I recognize where I really hurt you. And, you know, I've done certain things and I've cleared with her and taken radical accountability and responsibility and apologize. And so it's like this, we're still teachers in our lives, um, and still, we're still growing and learning together. And that's why I love her to death, and I'm so grateful for her. Um, we're family and I want her to have the very best, the very best life. I want her to, you know, and I want my daughter to just know how lucky she is to have such an amazing, amazing mother. Beautiful, yeah, I can feel the, the love and the compassion and the care and that, you know, beautifully said. Um, you know, switching gears a little bit and I'd love to kind of pick your brain a little bit, but also hear some of your reflections around the area of, of, you know, both investing in business, you know, as someone from a young age as you shared has made, made a lot of money, made a lot of, you know, millions and impact. I think first, uh, a question for you is like, What drives you now financially? Like if there's been a certain level of success, like what is the driving thing in your doing and you're creating and your building and the companies and things like what is, what, what is the thing that's the, the, to me like the ultimate why it's the thing I looked at with clients and and with people. It's like what's like the why that's getting you up and moving your head. Hm. Mm. I, if I'm being like real in this moment, just tapping in, it feels true to me, man, is. There's still Just this real big, this is just part of me, man, I just wants to. I do want to get to the end of my rope, end of my days, man, and just feel like I meet God. And I've, I've felt this once before, where like this light shined on me. I was in a cold plunge. I had just completed one of our leadership retreats, and I just like felt God's presence and his, I felt the voice of God being like, good job, my, you know, my, um my, my loyal and faithful servant. And I felt When I came out of the DMT experience I talked to you about, you shared with me, like how you were channeling, and one of the moments for me when I felt this huge light hit me, and I felt this self-love, but I also felt the presence of God, like God's real. Like in that moment I was like, oh my God, it's no longer this idea of God, God is real. And I remember that I made a bargain with God, and I said to God, I said, God, if you give me life, and you let me come out of this, I am devoted, and I promise you to fully give myself to being a soldier of yours, to creating as much impact as possible, to being a servant leader, and to helping to just inspire and elevate those that I come into contact with. And I remember making that. Deal with him. And I remember when I had the breath, I remember coming back and breathing like a, I felt like a, I felt like two things. I felt like a warrior, and I felt like LeBron James, who's like getting ready for game 7 in the finals, like, put me in coach. I'm ready to play this game and at a championship level. And so I think what really drives me is, is definitely, that is the leading why. There's definitely other little points of like, I want to live a high quality life. I love having nice things. I like having options. I want to travel the world with my daughter and hopefully future children. I wanna be able to have a high quality life in that way. Um, and, and, and also like build, like build schools and incubators, like, like, continue that journey of like providing resource, resources to those in need in the world. Um, and so, You know, that, that as well, and then, you know, played in my fullest potential. Mm, mhm. And, and so what I'm hearing that is a lot of the, the, the service driven why that's really generating wealth and income as a way of giving back, as a way of creating a level of of safety and comfort for yourself, I think, which is, is beautiful, but also really, you know, supporting others and and inspiring others to know that inside themselves. You know, I, I guess, uh, a question or your thoughts on it maybe is when you see individuals or male bodies, can be female bodies as well, but that are really You know, making wealth from the place of the ego, making wealth from the place of trying to validate themselves, but the zeros in their bank account, and, you know, I feel like I've I've worked with enough, uh, coaches and CEOs and things and have helped a lot of, you know, very wealthy individuals who have had a vast amount of wealth but still have an emptiness inside. And what would you say to some of those, those individuals that are Generating wealth to validate their ego versus generating wealth for the service of their soul. Wow, hm, so good, and that was definitely me. You don't know what you don't know. Uh, um, what would I say? hm. I would just say to them like, There's a bigger game. You're playing a finite game. And there's a bigger game and get excited about that and and and to not Don't judge that part of yourself, because I did. And actually that part of yourself is really beautiful, and it's really powerful, and it can be very, very useful. You know, one thing that I wish I, I had someone kind of tell me because when I, when I did realize, oh, there is a bigger game, there's an infinite game, and I was playing a finite game, and it, it's, it's, it can lead to just That emptiness that I talked about that I felt, you know, um, I, I've swung so far into the spirituality side that I like. It was all about purpose and all about giving back, and then I was like, somewhat broke. Like I was like not caring about money at all. I was like, fuck money, money, like, you know, and I think that's not, that was unintegrated as well. And so like, it's it's, I feel like there's a real opportunity to come into that balance where like you really love that part of yourself, that hustler. And that person that like not everybody can do with that. Not everybody can go out and make money and build businesses and do these things, like that is a really beautiful, powerful skill, so it's like honing that skill, but then just it's just slightly redirecting. They come from and where you're going with that skill and so. You know, if you, if you could do that, and there's plenty of ways to do that, but most importantly, like putting yourself in these uncomfortable places like when Aaron's leadership retreats or different, you know, different containers that actually can support you. I have a container as well that like, All of a sudden gets you around other men that are that are actually still hustling, still scaling businesses, still creating wealth, but actually doing it now from this new place and not trying to prove themselves. And that's a way more infinite, fun, playful, exciting, inspirational, and honestly sustainable way of doing it. Mm, mhm, mhm. And you can, you can feel the difference in the, the kind of vibrational alignment from somebody that's in that frequency compared to the other one, regardless of, you know, how, how much is in the account, if you will. Yes, oh my God, man. Yes, bro, cause you're just like, I, I've been like recently coming back into this, man. Like one of my big lessons on this mountain, this third mountain for me, man, was like really stepping into a new level of abundance, you know, I, I, I was, I was actually in a little bit of a scarcity moment in my life where there was still some like fear, like I mentioned to you, right? Like on the mountain, I was like, I'm surrendering my will, like again, like I've been, I noticed how I even, even in the impact driven. Leaders create leaders company like so impacted but I still was like trying to control and trying to lead, and I felt it through the scarcity and man, I'll tell you, man, it's just been so awesome when you like finally. Let that go because now you can really step into that level of abundance, and from there, um, it's like, It feels like way more flow, like now. If low and it's, it's no longer, it's just some metric that's feeding the ego. Yeah, I, I, I love that and the, the question in that it is more around, cause I know for myself, like one of, if any partner I've ever been with, anyone would say like there's a persistent part of my will, and when I set my mind upon something, when I set my being, like that, that persistence and that will is driving. So where in, uh, you know, in the, the letting go and surrendering your will to God and being on the mountain and being there and I, and I've had these moments as well, where do you find that, to find this flow now in business, there's still moments when it requires, you know, Gerard to, to have the will that's like, nope, like, like my sword is out, I need to penetrate through here. To keep this flow. So where, where does the will of, of penetration and that masculine force meet? The flow and the, the, the, the, the, the deep surrender. Where can that happen to still keep the dude, it's so such a powerful question. I have a prime example of just yesterday, honestly. It's, it comes back to one trust, OK? Now I'm surrendering to God. I trust in what I'm building. I trust that God has given it to me for a reason. I trust that I'm more than capable to building it, and I trust that with God's. Guidance and support and strength that it's gonna be way bigger than anything I can do on my own. Now, through that trust, I start holding the standard, the frequency of what it is that I'm building. And so for me, a prime example of that is I'm doing a, a private dinner at my house in like a couple weeks. Just like a really cool private dinner chef, fireside, you know, bonfire chat and like, And a guy got on the call with me yesterday, and, you know, it's $500 for the, for the dinner, $1000 to come earlier in Mastermind, and he's like on the call. He's like, hey man, like, if it's $300 like I can do it right now, but I can't. Otherwise, I gotta, you know, I gotta, I'm gonna, I wanna talk it over with my partner. It's $500 or more, we made an agreement. Then he's like, hey, listen, if you do 400, I can still make the decision and do it right now. And it was like in that moment for me as the leader, I just simply said no, like I'm holding that line, you know, and it was just in the line of integrity, I'm holding that. And that's for me, what it looks like in holding that frequency of abundance. I don't, I, I trust fully that if he's meant to be there, he's meant to be there. I'm honoring the integrity of all the other men that are saying yes. I trust fully in that, what the decision we made for that price point and that how many, how many of us still have wavered and then the scarcity like, OK, we'll give that the person discount or whatever. Guess what? He did and talked to his wife. He emailed me in less than 24 hours and said, I'm in, send me the link for the 500 bucks. And it felt so good. And then someone on my team was like, gee, man, thank you, because that gave me inspiration to understand how to hold, hold the line of what it is that we're doing. And this doesn't necessarily mean that we can't give certain offerings and even discounts in the future, but for me, that's what it looked like in practice. That I, like, I was unattached, whether he said yes or no, but in being unattached and fully holding that frequency and that standard, and then surrendering into that, knowing that trust got this and who's meant to be there will be there, but like, holding that with him too, like making contact and holding that. It worked out, man, and, and I, I, does that answer your question? Is that it? It, it does. I, I just had a flash of, I can't remember the name of the movie, but, um, I think it's Mel Gibson, and he's got all the guys on the line. He's like, hold, hold. Oh right, right at least a Braveheart, yeah, yeah, yeah Braveheart, yeah, exactly. No, and I, I, I, I love that. Like, I feel, you know, this project I was telling you about, I'm, I'm landing this community retreat center in Portugal. Like I initially found this land, and all I've been feeling with it is just like the deep trust, you know, the deep trust of the beings, the individuals, the money, the investments, all of it. And the more that I keep trust and the more that I'm just holding like the standard of what I envision of this coming through and listening as well to the people that are coming in there, like you were listening to him, you're listening to what was there, but you're like, well, this is, I'm listening to you, and I'm holding a certain caliber here and I'm, I'm feeling a similar. I mean, it's a different, different thing, but a different Quality that requires like a listening to the chords that are underneath that are ultimately connecting us to this land here and in this situation, connecting the, the frequency of the people that are coming into this event. Beautiful example. Thank you, brother. Yeah. Yeah, man, thank you so much for sharing that. I just got goosebumps and, you know, really honoring you for holding that too, and it's, it's it's really exciting when we do that. We really surprise ourselves, and we really hold it and we trust. I mean, it's like Anyone who's in this place, like right now, like if this inspired you, I really invite you to just practice that for the next couple days. Like, see where your ego comes into contact and wants to settle or give in, and that's the masculinity like opportunity for you to like, can you hold your spine? Can you root your spine a little bit more, open your heart a little bit more, and and and allow that trust, and just see and practice as an experiment what happens in that. Whether it's a conversation or a business decision or um or, or even um some other way. I was gonna say parenting and just kind of see I cause I, cause you know what parenting, honestly, parenting is a good one. I did it with my daughter today. Hold, but she's crying. Give me the toilet. Give me hold, hold, and I'm holding with compassion with the dis but there was a level of discipline, and then all of a sudden it was like she came too and she got it. And, and parenting is another man, that one I'm telling you, Aaron, I can't wait, bro. I'm here for you, bro. I can't wait to to be celebrating you and fatherhood. Well we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll do a, uh, a part two in a, in a year or two about with, with parenting the subject. I love that. Amazing. So I, I, I'd love to, uh, yeah, just hear any, any upcoming, you know, events, offers, things that you're doing and, and, and you mentioned a lot of different leadership pieces. If someone wants to get a hold of you to find out more about, you know, how, how you can help them in, in, in their journey, what's the best way to reach you as well as what's exciting that you're creating and doing right now? Uh, dude, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share this. Um, you know, I, I know you're, you're super devoted to the, to the similar work, and I can't wait to experience some of your, more of your magic. And, um, coming back from this last retreat, it's been the most transformational work of my life. I'm really proud of what we've built with my team and, and I have a remarkable team of men that are men that have been doing this work for a really, really long time. Um, I'm devoted to this movement, um, of helping men to reclaim their masculinity, to learn how to lead more powerfully. And, um, we have a program called Guards of Honor that really is aligned to my lineage. My father and my grandfathers were guards of honor in my lineage, and it's just this beautiful, um, opportunity to, to step into. Guardianship and leadership. I mean, it's a 6-month program where we go up these 3 mountains. The first mountain is the sun, the second mountain is the man, the third mountain is the father. And it's really about awareness, integration and embodiment of that father that you would want to follow and that you're, you are as a leader. Whether or not you're biologically a dad or becoming a dad, or just being a father to other men or a father within your business, it's a really powerful journey with adventure retreats. Aligned to it, um, virtual and online, 6 months, and we just completed, I'm so proud of it, and we're getting ready to, um, now start to open up, um, for anyone who's interested for the next cohort, um, over these, you know, over these next couple of months, I'll be taking calls personally and really, uh, guarding this, this beautiful container. And, um, if anyone is interested to learn more, please follow me on Instagram, Gerard Adams, G E R A R D A D A M S. you can please send me a DM with the word adventure, and it, and I can direct you into having a conversation. Um, and if this podcast also impacted you at all, I'd love to connect with you on the gram. So hit me up, Gerard Adams. Amazing, amazing. I love that you're, uh, you're doing the adventure journeys. Yeah, my brother that was on this podcast as well, Jamon, he and I climbed up Kilimanjaro, uh, it was 22 summers ago, and, uh, it's actually, uh, we were meant to do it this year, it'll probably happen next year, we're bringing a group of men up one of the, the highest mountains in the world. So, um, I love the adventure. When adventure and transformational work comes together, it's like my heart just Blossoms open, so celebrating you for, for supporting men in that way and holding the, yeah, holding the guard, holding the, the, the guardian place of, of really bringing men into that place and I feel that in your being, I feel that in who you are and how you show up in this world and yeah, thank you, thank you for for hearing the call, for, for being the, the sole steward of, of divine powerful leadership on this planet and it's very grateful to to have you in my life and to have you here on the show, brother. Mm. Oh man, thank you so much for seeing me, brother, and for being aligned. And um yeah, I really appreciate you, bro, and I'm, I'm so looking forward to us continuing to build this friendship and doing some fun stuff together. Um, thank you for sharing your platform with me and Yeah, you know, also just thank you for the work you're doing in the world. You know, I know that you're creating massive, massive impact and you're uh a very, very Powerful and loving leader and a window for so many others to see what's possible. Um, so yeah, just thank you for what you're doing in the world and I'm excited for us to, to build even more an allyship, how we continue to be allies in each other's lives. Absolutely, absolutely. Thank you, brother. Thank you everyone for listening. If you're watching this for the first time, please subscribe and check out more episodes with amazing other leaders like Gerard, uh, Love, Sex, and Leadership, and see you next time. So